Why Was I Born Series 3 – Why Do I Even Exist?

Searching for Identity

I used to ask myself: Why do I even exist?

As a teenager, I wrestled with questions about my appearance and identity. I didn’t like the way I looked. I wondered why God made me different from everyone else. I questioned why my hair was the way it was, and why I had to sit through hours of what felt like torture to get it done.

I know now that it is normal for teenagers to be moody, self-conscious, and searching for answers. But at the time, I felt plain and unseen. My mom used to call me her “simple, plain Jane.” I didn’t think there was anything special about me.

I thank God for the book of life, where I eventually learned to take all my questions. After all, why wouldn’t we ask the Creator Himself why He made us, when we were created in His own image?

Did I Change?

During my teenage years, people often told me I was boring because I never changed. I was quiet, obedient, and very sheltered. I wasn’t perfect, but I lived cautiously.

Growing up in a Christian home, conversations about life and sex were not open. I was told not to do certain things, but the “why” was not always explained. This left me both curious and afraid.

At school, I was as quiet as a church mouse. I rarely spoke unless someone spoke to me first. I had a few friends and was not allowed to hang out after school. At parent–teacher conferences, my teachers all said the same thing: “Teekwa is very quiet. I have no problems with her, but you almost wouldn’t know she is there.”

It was as if I didn’t exist. Why was I here?

Over time, I realized that my steadiness and calm spirit were exactly what some people needed. My consistency became my gift. Even as a baby, I was my mom’s calm in the storm. Though she wanted a more active child, what she needed was a child who brought her peace.

Why Do I Exist?

In school, I longed to fit in. I watched other girls having fun, wishing I could be part of their circle. But I wasn’t outgoing or outspoken, so I stayed in the background.

I often knew the answers in class, but fear would grip me. I didn’t want everyone looking at me or laughing at me. I sat at the back of the room to avoid being called on, but somehow, teachers still called on me. My body would heat up, my voice would tremble, and my teachers would say, “Teekwa, please speak louder.”

I was bullied, too. It is one of the worst feelings anyone can endure. I was teased for my skin tone, my hair, and my thin frame. I didn’t wear designer clothes, but my parents made sure we had what we needed. My mom always went out of her way to make birthdays special by giving us one gift we really wanted.

Even with those moments of joy, I still felt like I didn’t matter. I didn’t sing, dance, or have what others called “talents.” I often cried in secret, wondering why I even existed.

But there were two things that gave me comfort: my diary and my dolls. Writing allowed me to express feelings I couldn’t say out loud. Playing with my dolls gave me space to imagine the life I wanted. Those quiet escapes gave me hope.

Realizing I Am Not Alone

At the time, I didn’t know why I was going through so much. Why didn’t the boys like me? Why didn’t I look like everyone else? Why wasn’t my name something common like Tina, Tanya, or Michelle?

I know now that I was not alone. Many teenagers wrestle with insecurity, bullying, and questions about their worth. And while my struggles felt heavy then, I later learned that others went through much harder situations. Women I’ve met from different cultures and backgrounds have shared stories of trauma far greater than mine.

That perspective taught me that my experiences were not meant to break me, but to shape me into who I am today.

I Exist Because…

I exist because God made me in His image.

I did not know this then, but I know it now. I am unique. I am one of a kind. My flaws, my hurts, my disappointments, and my mistakes all shaped me.

Yes, I am an introvert, but that is because God designed me that way. The world needs people who listen deeply, who bring calm, and who stay steady. If he had made me an extrovert, my life would have taken a completely different path, and I would not have become who I am today.

Through my quiet spirit, I have impacted lives. I am a daughter, a sister, a mother, a grandmother, and most importantly, a daughter of the King.

Jesus died on the cross for my sins. John 3:16 says:
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

I was created for greatness. I didn’t see it then, but I know it now.

Have You Figured Out Why You Exist?

I hope my story encourages you to begin your own journey. You may not have it all figured out yet, but remember this: you are here for a purpose.

You were created intentionally. Male or female, introvert or extrovert, God designed you exactly as you are.

Come back for Why I Was Born Series 4, and let’s keep walking this journey together.

Scriptures to Meditate On

• 1 Corinthians 3:9 (AMP) – “For we are fellow workmen with and for God’s garden and vineyard and field under cultivation; you are God’s building.”
  

• Colossians 1:16 (AMP) – “For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.”
  

• Isaiah 43:6–7 (AMP) – “Bring My sons from afar and My daughters from the ends of the earth—everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, yes, I have made him.”
  

• John 3:16 (AMP) – “For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He gave His only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.”
  

• Genesis 1:1 (AMP) – “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.”
  

• 1 Peter 3:15 (AMP) – “But in your hearts set Christ apart as holy, acknowledging Him as Lord. Always be ready to give a logical defense to anyone who asks you to account for the hope that is in you, but do it courteously and respectfully.”
  

Genesis 50:20 (AMP) – “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, in order to bring about this present result, to save many people alive.